Chapter 41: If Light Has Found Me

If Light Has Found Me

To the Lector: On the Day When Blake Tasted a Glimmer of Joy and Hope, However Small

O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer,

from the womb, I have known loneliness.

It has clung to me like a shadow at dusk,

whispering in the silence,

mocking me in the stillness of night.

I have walked in its desolation,

dwelling in the ruins of shattered hope.

I cried out for comfort, but no voice answered.

I searched for refuge, but no shelter received me.

I have been surrounded by multitudes

yet found no companion.

I have laughed among friends

while sorrow weighed heavy upon me.

Loneliness, my oldest foe,

has sat at my table and laid in my bed.

It has known my name,

it has traced my steps.

But you, O Lord, have not forgotten me.

You have seen me in the valley,

where the air is thick with despair

and the walls press in like a tomb.

You have not turned away your face

though I was dust, though I was nothing.

And now, O God, a light—

a light so small, yet I see it!

It flickers at the end of the tunnel,

a whisper of dawn breaking upon the hills.

Is this the work of your hand?

Is this your mercy reaching for me?

O Lord, let it be true!

Let it not be a trick of my weary mind.

Let it not be a flame that sputters and dies.

For I am weak and spent,

worn thin from the years of wandering.

If this is your light,

then let it burn bright, let it consume the darkness,

let it drive away the shadow that has followed me

since the day I first opened my eyes.

I will rejoice if you have done this.

I will dance as David danced,

I will sing your praises in the streets,

I will lift my hands to the heavens

and declare your wonders before all people.

For you, O Lord, are my deliverer!

You are the light that does not fade,

the fire that does not go out.

If you have set my feet upon this path,

I will walk in your ways,

I will not turn back to the depths I have known.

For you are faithful, O God,

you are the One who calls the lonely by name.

You set the outcast among the righteous,

you lift up the broken and crown them with joy.

Your light is not fleeting,

your mercy is not hollow.

You are the lamp that guides my steps,

the sun that breaks the night.

And if the darkness should close in once more,

if the light I see should fade,

I will yet trust in you.

For you are my portion forever,

and my hope is in your name.

Even in the shadow, you are God.

Even in the silence, you are near.

O Lord, let this be your light!

Let it shine, let it stand, let it lead me home.

For I am weary of the night,

but I will wait upon you.

And whether joy greets me in the morning

or sorrow remains for a season,

still, I will bless your name,

for you alone are my refuge,

and my hope will not be put to shame.